You Belong With Me

When I think of belonging, I think of having a place and position in my life or someone else's where I am wanted; where I fit.

In Song of Solomon, Hagar thinks of belonging as being needed or loved. She lets her infatuation with Milkman distort her self-image and create this disturbing definition of "belong". Guitar points out that she has given her life to Milkman, who doesn't want it, and if she values it so little it shouldn't "mean any more to him" (306). Hagar affirms her worth based on how others treat her. Milkman treats her in such a way that she is moved to smother him in an attempt to control him and secure his affection, so that in a sense Milkman and his love would belong to her. But as is revealed here in the text, "you can't own a human being" (306). In order to have a real love connection she cannot smother and seek to control, but lift him up "'with nothing to hide him or bind him'" (306). In a loving relationship, to belong to someone should not be the same as being controlled by someone, which is essentially the basis of slavery.

Guitar argues that love and belonging should be separate, "belonging" being a bad word. I think that Guitar brings up valid points when talking about self-image. Too many girls let what a man says about them, or how desired they are by men define how they think of themselves. The women that would give this much control to men are recognized by these very men as "doormat women". Hagar is described as pretty but continuously criticized as weak by Guitar. There is a double standard here, because women were basically treated as though they belonged to their husbands, so it would be very easy for women to create their level of worth based on what men thought.

"'If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Hagar, don't'" (306).

Ending with this simple imperative sentence reveals how the desire to have someone belong to you can ruin your ability to be happy with yourself. In this time period, women did not completely belong to themselves, but Hagar gave what little she did control away. The characters view belonging in a much more literal sense than I would, and perhaps this is because of the past slavery, and the current racism and sexism prevalent at that time. Guitar gives some valid advice here, but we see throughout the novel that he knows so little about love that it makes what he says somehow off-putting.

"'Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you?'" (306). 

I believe that many people could easily love like this, with only a desire to be the center of someone else's world. There is a difference between belonging with someone or to someone. The problems we see Hagar struggle with are still heavy in the lives of many young people, wondering where or with whom they belong. Oddly enough, I connect Hagar to Taylor Swift's song You Belong With Me; sad, desperate, and slightly entitled. Since Guitar's advice did not help Hagar, maybe we can look to Taylor Swift for answers.